CHEERING YOU UP AGAIN.
When Tom T. Hall called and asked me to write the liner notes for his new album,
I said “What do you want me to write?”
He said “Just write the way you do.”
I asked “Have you read my stuff?”
He said “Yep. Loretta Lynn lent me a book of yours on a plane.”
Roger Miller had a bunch of country stars in his suite drinking until about 6 AM.
Roger opened the drapes
and sunlight poured in from the East like a nuclear blast.
He said, “God’s coming, and he’s got his brights on.”
Roy said, “Do you want something to eat?”
Trigger said, “No thanks. I’m stuffed.”
I used to be a great whistler, and whistled in some of our records.
I can’t do it anymore.
But I can stillI grip a perch with my feet!
If they make a movie of our life it better be a talkie!
IN THE NEWS…
The Israelis are developing an airport security device that will not X-ray you,
but will detonate any explosive device
you may have on your person.
I asked the guy behind the counter
if he had wild cherry cough drops.
He said yes.
I said “Are they really wild?”
He said “We can hardly keep them in the box.”
In today’s headlines: “A man bit a snake… twice!”
He said he just doesn’t like snakes.
The authorities took him to jail and rushed the snake to a hospital,
where it received numerous stitches on the bites.
The snake had no comment,
but had an expression that said “What the HELL?!”
In my grandmother’s last days I sat by her hospital bed.
We talked and joked a little. She always had a sense of humor.
She said she wasn’t afraid to die, but she just didn’t want to.
Like a young idiot I asked “Why?”
She smiled and said this:
“I’m afraid I might miss something.”
We met two young British songwriters on the street in Nashville.
The song they pitched us was “Let’s Go Out and Kill Something”.
Two words helped to make us famous… or infamous…
Misty’s running the vacuum cleaner around my desk.
Why am I afraid of it?
I’m gaining weight.
I’m going to have to do a sit-up.
Misty just came from Publix.
She told me a guy said this to her:
“I saw you over there giving the bananas a dirty look.”
The Sound of Music came on and Misty was singing along in a high soprano range.
When the song ended she said:
“OH, CRAP! MY SOUP! IT’S ALL OVER THE STOVE!”
I had a chance to go straight, but I went into music instead.