ON TV WITH JACKIE GLEASON.

I’m never tense during a live stage show.
I’m always a wreck on TV shows.
What makes the difference is this: Control.

At a stage performance we can instruct the sound guys,
get the equipment set up just right,
and have the lighting the way we want it.
And, most importantly, it’s our show.
We can read the audience and set the pace accordingly.
We’re in control.

On a TV show,
we have to stand on a tape mark that somebody else put there,
and usually I can’t hear myself sing
because the monitors are set for the normal human voice.
I don’t own a normal human voice.
For one thing, I sing lead in the bass range,
which most TV engineers don’t understand.

It’s somebody else’s show.
Some directors like you to play to the cameras, and some don’t.
They never tell you which.
In a show we did with Ralph Emery on TNN,
I was standing on my mark,
singing by the seat of my pants because I couldn’t hear myself.
When a camera red light would go on, I’d play to that one,
and the director would immediately switch to another camera.
I played eye tag with the cameras through most of the song,
and never won a round.

Misty is calm on TV.
Her voice can cut through a brass band.
She doesn’t care about the sound monitors,
because she can just sing louder.
I have often wanted to hide behind her.
She doesn’t concern herself with finding her tape mark on the floor,
but usually gets to it okay.
I’m like Sherlock Holmes looking for a clue.

To me, the worst was a show we did with Jackie Gleason,
Mike Douglas, and Frank Fontaine,
live from the Miami Beach Auditorium.
We had to show up for rehearsal at about noon.
We had special orchestra charts written for the occasion,
and we’d never heard them before.
While we were rehearsing,
Jackie Gleason and Mike Douglas were sitting in the fifth row,
watching us.
My tension started to build.

Then there was a four or five hour wait until the show started.
Plenty of time to relax, right? Wrong!
Plenty of time to get my panic into high gear!

We were backstage talking to Gleason
when he was introduced with a fanfare.
He stood behind the curtain for a hundred count
while the applause gained momentum,
then he walked briskly onstage.
He didn’t want to step on his applause,
and he didn’t want it to die down.
His perfect timing told him the exact second to make his appearance.
I was impressed.

Jackie Gleason wasn’t anything like Ralph Kramden.
He was intelligent and dignified,
wearing a dark blue suit with a flower in the lapel.

When Misty and I were introduced,
we walked briskly out from behind the curtain,
and she walked right past our mark to a wrong one
about eight feet farther front.
My panic gong rang. She didn’t even notice.
The directors and camera crew had to move fast to find her.
I had no choice but follow her to my doom.
I looked like cross-eyed rabbit caught in the headlights.

When I go into a real panic
my voice goes up into Dolly Parton’s range.
I have never sung worse, or looked stupider.
Misty and the orchestra sounded great.
The directors and camera crew looked at us with venom,
but I was the only one who noticed.
Misty still thinks the show went nicely,
so I’m alone in my embarrassment.

After we did our fiasco,
Jackie and Mike led the applause, and we sat down to talk.
This part was where I hope I redeemed myself
by debating spiritualism with Jackie Gleason for twelve minutes.
I let him win.

We have a videotape of it somewhere around here,
but I’ve just never felt up to looking for it.
I hate watching myself on TV.

I’d rather eat bugs than go through it again.

Jack Blanchard

Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan…
Grammy & CMA Award Finalists.
Billboard Duet of the Year.
Home Page: www.jackandmisty.net
Mastering & restoration studio: 407 330 1611

 

NOTHING IS OVER LIKE CHRISTMAS.

Nothing is over like Christmas.
Months of anticipation, and then it’s gone.
Try to hold on to it and it slides away like this morning’s dream.

It’s hard to work up the spirit here in Florida,
but we give it a shot every year.
Misty decorates a tree,
and puts Christmas stuff all over the place.
We listen to Christmas music with the air conditioning on
and with palm trees lurking in the yard.

I get sentimental about Christmas,
probably because I had real Christmasy holidays years ago,
with folks who are no longer with us,
and my childish subconscious thinks it will happen again.

I toss up futile prayers for snow here in the subtropics,
but this is the time of year when we get a cheap imitation of autumn.
A couple of trees around here get a touch of red,
and I go look at them.

Television doesn’t help, with reports of all night sales,
talking heads urging us to be good consumers,
stranded travelers sleeping in airports,
and carolers singing “Happy Honda Days”.

The people who tell us that it’s a pagan holiday,
just because it’s near the winter solstice,
may not realize what an intrusion that is upon our enjoyment.
We can each bring our own thoughts to the season,
and make it our personal non-pagan celebration.
It’s in the spirit of the beholder.

I think I’ll write a letter to Santa,
and ask him for one more snowfall in Buffalo,
where the night is silent, the homes are warm,
and Christmas is strong in the air.

Jack Blanchard.

Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan…
Grammy & CMA Award Finalists.
Billboard Duet of the Year.
Home Page: www.jackandmisty.net
Mastering & restoration studio: 407 330 1611